Ask a ?

If you're gonna ask a question, any question, be prepared for the answer...

So, you wanna know about my bankruptcy. None of your business. It was adjudicated in US Bankruptcy Court, approved and discharged. End of story.

Liquidation of retirement funds: Well, lessee, you decided to sue me and I lost two 6-figure contracts as a result necessitating dire measures to continue to pay lawyers, counselors, mortgage payments, etc., not to mention those charges that helped buy you food, furniture - oh, and let's not forget - your girlfriend's new car.

Defaulted loans: Gee, here we go again. As I said before, the economy tanked, you cost my business two very lucrative 6-figure contracts that would have paid me a salary so that I could pay back those loans.

Accusations of fraud because I took the kids out of your house: Uhhhh, lessee, could it be because you lied about receiving counseling to help with your extensive mental health issues? Could it be because you tried to put on a show and your facade came crashing down around your ears such that you proved to be completely unfit (in my opinion as your mother and the children's LEGAL guardian) to care for children for whom I am legally responsible?

Accusations of breach of fiduciary responsibility and malfeasance: Keep goin' nutcase. If my response to your lawsuit isn't proof to the contrary, just hang in there until I get on the witness stand. BTW, ask yourself this question: If I was only interested in that paltry $12K the boys get from SSI, then why would I spend on average about $30K per year to raise them, then roughly heaven only knows what to educate them because they were virtually illiterate when they came into my care, then there's college just over the horizon. Now, $12K times 6 which is the number of years until they turn 18 equals $72K. Actual cost of raising twin boys is about $30K/year times 6 equals $180K and that doesn't include college. Oh yeah, I'm in this for the money - fer sher. Oh, and then there is the $40K legal bill I'll be paying on probably for the rest of my life. Yessiree, I'm in this for the money...

Visitation: You just try and insinuate yourself into my life and the lives of my family again, buster. It ain't happenin' and you can take that to the bank.

And lest you proceed on the impression that since you're my son, I have to allow you into my life. Wrong-o. Not after this. There are some things that are unforgivable. I have forgiven myself for falling for your act, but I will not put myself in a position where you can ever abuse me or mine again.

So, you just keep on keepin' on. Go ahead and try to characterize me as the scum of the earth and then ask yourself where you were and what you did to help two abused kids. That's right - not a damned thing.

Vent over.

Lawyers - Can't Live With 'Em - Welllll, Maybe You Can...

Gotta be honest here - I never had much use for lawyers. Like you, I've heard all the lawyer jokes on the books and made up a few of my own. Oh, and let's not forget the US legal system. It's so broke Humpty Dumpty after the fall off the wall looks unblemished in comparison.

Nevertheless, I was part of the vast majority that thought lawyers were basically a necessary (truly) evil, especially after the OJ case. Never let it be said that I don't admit when I'm probably very, very wrong.

It may sound conceited, but after the last year, I've about come to the conclusion that I could probably sit for and pass the Bar Exam. In some states that's all it takes to get admitted to the Bar, get a Bar Card and begin to practice law. Did you know that to become a lawyer, law school is not required. Google the term "law reader" and get an interesting lesson. Anyway...

I'm not going to insult lawyers and say that I can do what they do - no way. But I do get why they do the things they do the way they do and why they get paid the ridiculous money that they insist on charging. Lawyers actually EARN their fees. Yeah, you heard me - they really, really do EARN the money you pay them. (No, the last time I checked the world wasn't about to implode, the sun rise in the west, democracy begin to bloom in Saudi Arabia, and hell hadn't frozen over.)

When a lawyer takes on a client, that client has to be willing to open up and divulge all of the dark and dirty little secrets in their life. In fact, in most cases, you'd better tell your lawyer everything - even those things you don't mention to your priest in the confessional and those little things you hope God overlooked - because you had better believe that opposing counsel is going to find them out and use them against you in order to do the best job possible for their client. And if you're a lawyer with a sociopath/psychopath for a client, you're in for a wild ride.

Then there is the legal research. No, I'm not talking about things like PIs out there turning up every rock and garbage can. I'm talking about THE LAW. Yes, folks, THE LAW... The Code we live by with all of its convolutions, contradictions, idiotic language that really isn't a language, illogic, irony, idiocy and a lot of other "i" words I can't bring to mind right now along with other words that begin with the other 25 letters of the English alphabet - but I digress...

Back to lawyers...

These are the demented individuals who have gone to school and spent a lot of money on an education so that they can actually make some sense out of the senseless. And yes, they are somewhat demented. Try crawling into a lawyer's head to understand their reasoning process and you'll immediately understand my assertion.

If you're ever involved in a legal issue, for heaven's sake and your own sake, GET A FRIKKIN' LAWYER - even if you have to hock one of your kids or your right arm and leg. You do NOT want to try and face the US legal system in a courtroom without someone to guide you through the insanity, that is unless you're one of those people who can perform your own heart transplant.

This lawsuit has been an eye opening experience for me. I'm gaining insights in areas I never thought I'd have to address both in myself and in others.

Did you know...

Opposing counsel knows only what her client tells her. If her client tells her the defendant is the scum of the earth, she has to proceed on that premise. I wonder what goes through her mind when she finds out that the defendant isn't quite as scummy as her client asserts.

Fishing expeditions are for vacations and deep sea cruises, not courtrooms.

A good lawyer is worth 10 times what he'll charge you for his services. Incompetent lawyers should be summarily shot - period - no chance for appeal.

Lawyers sometimes do have hearts AND minds and - surprise! - capacity for empathy.

Most courts have a day of the week - usually Friday - when they hear motions. Before you hire a lawyer, go to your local courthouse and sit in the back row of the courtroom for the day and watch the lawyers work. You'll find out really quick which ones are smart and which ones got their Bar Card at WalMart.

Judges - I'm not even sure I can put those thoughts into words. It's not a job I'd ever want, that's for sure. I don't think I could deal with the burden.

Judge Judy, and all those other idiotic "courtroom" reality shows are a waste of bandwidth. In a REAL courtroom, you had better mind your Ps and Qs and there is a certain Code of Conduct that is sacrosanct and TV courtrooms are a bad joke that should have never seen the light of day.

Last, but certainly not least, if you decide to sue someone, you certainly have that right in the good 'ole US of A. BUT...you had better be damned sure you have a case because, guess what, if you decide to use the US courts to harangue and harass, you are gonna learn the hard way about the meaning of the word "sanctions". You'll end up paying for your lawyer, the other person's lawyer, costs, court costs, and any other assessed charges the judge sees fit to hit you with. Can't or won't pay - you'd better hope the person you sued is willing to let the matter drop (and if they've laid out nearly $40K in expenses, you'd better believe they won't let the matter drop or let you off the hook) because if you don't obey the court's order to pay up, your ass will be thrown in jail where you will sit for at least one year or until you pay up. Even if you go to jail, you'll still have to pay up when you get out. So the next time someone says, "so sue me", think long and hard before you do.

The story of Solomon doesn't begin to scratch the surface.

Lawyers? Yep, they definitely have their place in this life and I'm going on record to say that I promise never to tell another lawyer joke at their expense. When I studied medicine, I learned that the human body really isn't color coded like we see in the textbooks and sometimes a cold really is just a cold. In delving into the law, I'm finding that truth really is 45% perception, 45% interpretation, and 10% reality. And if you are brave enough to navigate the legal system in this country because you feel you have a case, then more power to you. Just remember - be very, very careful what you wish for and hope the other guy's lawyer isn't quite as good as yours.

Pretrial Prep - 5 weeks and counting

I went into my lawyer's office today for the first of many, many meetings for trial prep. Depositions, pretrial motions, hearings, etc.

Some things I learned:

The Plaintiff may think he will get to see my medical and psych records, but he's in for a rude awakening. We are going to be submitting those under a protective order. This means that the only people who get to see the records are my lawyer, the judge and his lawyer and - very important - she cannot disclose any of the information to her client. Heh-heh-heh...

Ya want bank statements, tax records, etc. No problem-o. These are from joint accounts and you did not name my husband in the suit. Guess what, sucker, they are going to come, but they will be redacted and there's nothing you can do about it.

You want the children's bank statements - Guess what? They are coming in redacted as well so you won't be able to get SSNs, account numbers, etc. You're going to be surprised at how little information is presented on bank statements now.

Lessee, if the SSA sends $6K/year/kid that equals $12K in SSI benefits. Guess how much the kids cost us last year? After a line-by-line recording of all transactions during 2008, they cost (not counting lawyer fees) over $50K minus the paltry SSI stipend and that leaves about $38K out of pocket. The law says guardians aren't supposed to spend their own money to care for their wards. So, what am I supposed to do, let the kids go naked, hungry and untreated? Nope - not happening. But you want to accuse us of malfeasance and breach of fiduciary responsibility. Good luck.

Oh yeah, when the poop hits the rotaries and you end up having to pay our lawyer fees and expenses, you are going to be in for one very rude awakening....

But that's the trial. Right now we are in prep.

Guess what? If you ever watched the show Shark - I've been told that show was pretty accurate regarding how trials are conducted and how defendants are prepared. This means that I will be meeting with my lawyer for a mock examination and cross-examination, aka being put in the very major hot seat and grilled mercilessly. I was told to get prepared...Somehow I can't imagine that being worse than the last four years have been. I really can't imagine what opposing counsel could come up with that would be worse than my life has been since 2005. My lawyer says that Plaintiff's lawyer is going to do everything she can to find and push my buttons. Okee dokee, boys and girls. Pass the propranolol...

I've also been told that I will have to be present when the Plaintiff and his girlfriend are deposed. Oh joy...not! I'll be very interested to see how the Plaintiff handles my lawyer because he said he was definitely going for the throat and was I up for that. Hey, I didn't file this damned lawsuit, folks. Dance with the devil and you will get burned...

More to come as time permits....

Motion to Compel - 6/19/09

Well, tomorrow begins the final uphill climb to trial. I have to be in court to argue a Motion to Compel regarding private info. Beginning next week, we start depositions with the goal being trial on July 29. Anxiety with a capital A.

You know, I realize I have nothing to worry about - there is no way we are going to lose the kids, especially after they testify. I'm pissed beyond words that my life is being turned upside down. Worse than that is the pure rage at the fact that they are now trying to draw my husband into this.

I fully understand how the sociopathic personality works. I get it, but that doesn't change the fact that I would like to wring the Plaintiff's neck and then stomp on his head. Everyone, friends, counselors, neighbors, etc. who know what's going on (NN and MM have told their friends who then told two friends and so on) says that my feelings are perfectly normal for a totally insane situation. Nevertheless, that doesn't stop the guilt at feeling that way. The Plaintiff IS my child and nothing is going to change that. My counselor says that my guilt is normal, but that I have to work through it to a point of acceptance of the fact that Tom is never going to have any feelings for other human beings or anything else for that matter except himself. She also says that the fact that I did not give in to his demands is courting a rage reaction, which means that he will try to pursue this even after the case is finished. My attorney is very aware of this and is seeking sanctions and that the case be dismissed or ruled on with prejudice so that Tom can't pursue it in the courts.

Anyway, now we go to war. One thing is absolutely concrete certain and that is that I will defy the court to my last breath, go to jail or anything else necessary to make sure that the court does not try to force Tom into my life ever again. There is no way I'm going to let him use the children to manipulate me, which is what this is about in the first place.

Even with my determination and certainty that we will come out on top in the end, that does nothing to quell the anxiety that nearly suffocates me whenever I read any of their pleadings or other court documents. I have to keep my head. The one thing that is pretty good - depending on one's POV - is that when I have to tell all of this in court, I'm probably not going to break down and cry. I've cried all the tears I have and there aren't any left. Now, I just have to pray for the strength to remain cool and calm even when his attorney tries to bait me - and she will definitely do that, make book on it. Make book on the fact that I have some retorts up my sleeve for her as well.

So, now we gear up for trial. Please pray that it is completely over on July 29 and the judge rules that Tom cannot continue to file various suits and that he will be forced to pay us back all the money we've spent. At least then we can get the boys back into counseling and establish their college fund. The fund won't pay for their college, but we may be able to send them money to help with expenses each month. It ain't much, but it's something...

OJT Finally Pays Off

All those years of instruction and self-teaching in privacy law have finally paid off. I'm actually doin' a little happy dance today. So, here's the story:

Tom's lawyer is issuing subpoenas all over the place for the children's and my medical and psychological records. These are call Subpoena Deuces Te Cum. These are documents issued by LAWYERS for records. While they do carry weight with the court, they definitely don't have the power a judge's direct order has. Make note of the following for future reference:

If a LAWYER tries to subpoena your private information, you can stop any provider, medical or commercial from releasing your private information by simply stating clearly by phone and in writing that you do NOT authorize release of the information. This is covered in HIPAA, federal privacy statutes, and all states have privacy laws that state pretty much the same thing. I've done business all over the US and so I have had to become very well versed in privacy statutes on the state and federal level and that training and research has now served me extremely well.

What does this mean? It means that I can stop Tom and his camp from getting some very, very private information, particularly from my psychologist/psychiatrist and from the children's counselors. His lawyer will have to come into court and show cause and I can assure you I have arguments prepared so that they won't be able to get around them. Part of my argument is going to be that we will be more than happy to submit to forensic psychiatric testing and examination at the Plaintiff's expense which is right around $5000 PER PERSON. That way, you see, he can't accuse the providers of bias since I have worked with all of them at one point or another. Oh, and BTW, if Tom has issues with my health - I'll be happy to submit to a full examination by ANY QUALIFIED PHYSICIAN OF HIS CHOICE at HIS expense. Oh yeah, baby, I do know how to work it...

They are going to find out that I definitely know the meaning of the term "fiduciary responsibilities and obligations" and they are about to find out what happens when one pisses off Grandmother Bear...heh-heh-heh-heh.....

Trial Prep

Well, we are about seven weeks to the trial which is scheduled for 7/29. I found out that the courtroom is booked for the entire workday. At $300/hour for court time, well...let's just not go there for now.

I have a hearing next Friday. Seems that Tom's lawyer isn't happy with the fact that I have to abide by privacy laws and she's using every possible convolution of the English language to try and get around the fact that if she wants protected info, she is going to have to show cause to a judge and get a signed order directly for the agency stating exactly what information is being requested. Gee, ya think? But then, if she had bothered to read the state and federal privacy statutes and caselaw and check with institutions like the SSA, banks, schools, etc., she would know this. She's trying to say that I have breached my fiduciary responsibilities and committed all kinds of malfeasance. When I'm done, this woman won't know what hit her.

After the hearing on Friday, we begin depositions. As soon as I can meet with my lawyer and get some idea of the questions I can expect, it's off to the law library - again. They're getting to know me pretty well around there.

Ya know what? I'm also beginning to understand why lawyers get the big fees they get and maybe they aren't so money grubbing after all - okay, then, just a little. But, let me tell ya... researching for a court case is hard work. Not only that, the details that need to be covered, the analysis, cross-referencing, general and specific research, etc., are mind-boggling. One thing is for sure, I'm definitely no longer intimidated by the guy in the black robe sitting on that bench and the idea of a courtroom definitely doesn't faze me in the least anymore. It works like this -

Yo, counselor, if you don't like my answer then ask a different question. And while you're at it - you aren't paying me for my time, so I'm not gonna do your legwork. You want those documents, then you're gonna have to work for them. Heh-heh-heh...

When this crap is over, I'm gonna have a party to end all parties...

More on Miss Melly

I have received several requests for pictures of Miss Melly and here are a couple. The lump in the middle of my bed is Melly in her "invisible kitty" mode. The other is a picture I managed to snap of her when she was on a mission to reconnoiter for snacks.

I'm still in the "not quite used to the fact that she isn't here" mode. I was talking to DH yesterday morning about how I intended to leave her bed under our bed right where she always slept. Priss is having a bit of a hard time with the fact that she can't find Melly and Tiny can't seem to understand why there are only two food dishes now rather than three. I'm giving both of them extra attention to try and help them through this. Julie said that they would be quite clingy for a while and not to worry, that it was quite normal.

In all honesty, on the one hand, I'm actually glad her suffering is finally over. On the other hand, selfish though it may be, I'm missing her horribly and wish she was here. I know, acceptance comes with time...nevertheless, if I could just turn back the clock, just for a little while...